Connections
by estrafalaria103
Summary: A ridiculous mockery of all the connections the characters on the show have with one another.Yes, I apologize, it's cruel and poorly written, but really. Ana working for Jack's dad? And calling him Tom? Come on!


"Okay, your turn," Shannon said, laughing. Boone was always good for a laugh, and his story about the mullet-cutting hair stylist from hell had been a hoot. "Come on, Ana, what's the weirdest thing you've ever done?"

Ana Lucia snorted, and quickly downed another tequila and tonic. Heavy drinking was necessary when surrounded by the lunatics on the island. Why oh why, she wondered, couldn't the tail section have broken off and landed somewhere else?

"Went to Australia with some old guy named Tom," she said. Kate and Claire instantly froze, and stared at one another.

"That's weird," Claire said. "I'm from Australia, and my boyfriend's name was Tom."

"That's really weird," Kate said to Claire. "I'm from Iowa, have a Canadian accent, and _my_ boyfriend's name was Tom."

"Well," Ana said, grabbing another tequila from Sawyer. If there was one person the conman was willing to give booze to, it was Ana. Get the girl drunk enough, and she'd put out every time. "I'm pretty sure it couldn't have been the same guy. He was an alcoholic chief of surgery."

"Weird," Jack and Sawyer said at the same time. They stared each other down. Sawyer had the guns, so he won the stare-off.

"I went drinking with some chief of surgery in Australia," Sawyer said. "His asshole son had turned him in for drinking on the job."

Jack looked like he was about to get really upset and start crying, but Ana quickly jumped in before he had a chance.

"Wait a second!" she said, snapping her fingers and pointing at Sawyer. "I knew I'd seen you somewhere before! You were the idiot who walked into our parked car! Now, I've hit people before, but I've never been hit _by_ someone until you."

"That was my dad!" Jack suddenly screamed. Sawyer meanwhile, was rubbing his head in remembered pain.

"Damn car door," he complained. "Jumped out of nowhere."

"Okay, so. . .whatever," Shannon said, growing slightly bored with talk that didn't center around her. She turned to Sayid. "All right, hotstuff, what's the weirdest thing that's ever happened to you?"

"I was rescued by an American," he said. "During the Gulf War."

"Huh," Kate said, poking a stick into the fire. "My dad fought in the Gulf War. Wouldn't that be crazy if you'd met him? Last name Austen."

Sayid stared at her. "Actually. . ." he said. "That's exactly the man who saved me." They stared at each other for a long moment over the fire. Then Sayid shrugged his shoulders. "Not that it matters, really," he said. "Since after that I met Nadia, who was promptly ripped away from me. . ."

"Here's a funny story," Locke chuckled. "I once did plumbing for a woman named Nadia. Lived in Los Angelos."

"That's where _my_ Nadia lives," Sayid said.

"Oh," Locke dismissed that thought completely. "You want to know a really weird story?"

"Not from you," Shannon said. She resumed checking out Sayid. He really was the hottest guy on the island. She paused for a moment and looked over at Sawyer. Skeezy, blond, dimples, blue eyes. . .back to Sayid. Nope. Still definitely the hottest guy.

"I worked for a box company for a while. It wasn't doing great, but then all of a sudden some millionaire bought us up and production skyrocketed."

"I bought a box company once," Hurley said. "After winning a million dollars. Lottery girl was hot."

"I dated a lottery girl once," Sawyer mused. Kate poked him with her stick. "What? I've dated people! I don't con everyone, y'know."

"Yeah, right," Kate laughed. "You've conned everyone and their mom."

"Well now," Sawyer drawled. "I've conned you, but I ain't never conned your mom, have I?"

"Not unless you make a habit of conning small town Iowa waitresses," Kate replied. Sawyer laughed.

"Only know one," he said. "Met her during a long con. Diane."

"What the fuck!" Kate suddenly sprang to her feet. "That _was_ my mom!"

"Huh," Sawyer mused. "Go figure."

"That was my dad!" Jack yelled again. Everyone proceeded to ignore him.

"You know, my father was a con artist," Locke said suddenly. "Did a lot of work in Tampa."

Sawyer stared at him for a moment, but for once didn't say anything.

"Okay, are we done with the whole, ooh, this is where I know you from game?" Shannon asked. "Now, again. Weirdest story. Jack, your turn. And God help me, if you mention your dad I will shove this nail polish up your ass."

Jack laughed through his tears. "Um. . .once I was doing surgery on a man in a car crash, and realized he was going to die, so I worked on another woman, Sarah, and cured her paralysis."

"That's weird," Shannon said with a funny look on her face. "My dad was in a car crash, and his doctor abandoned him to go work on some other woman." Realization dawned. "You bastard! You killed my dad!"

She jumped across the fire to get to him. Boone watched with interest for a moment, before turning to Sawyer.

"I saw you in the police station once," he mentioned. "In Australia."

"Nice cells there," Sawyer said appreciatively. "Private toilet in each."


End file.
